Are you a heightist?

I am 5' - 8" tall and had never really given much thought to my height one way or another until I entered the arena of online dating. In all of my experience in this arena, nothing has amazed me as much as how rampant women's hang-ups are about wanting to date taller men. That women generally like taller men is no secret, just like the fascination men have with breasts is no secret. What makes this particular preference of women so amazing is the reason women give for it being a preference and the fact that so many are willing to explicitly state this preference right in their profile with no regard to appearing shallow.

Let me first make clear that I understand that everyone has preferences about physical characteristics. Some men like skinny women and some like redheads over blondes or brunettes. Many women prefer a man with nice hands. Some like a guy who is stockier rather than lean. These are physical attributes that we find attractive and some can even really turn us on. So it makes sense that we seek out those who have the characteristics we like. I get that. However, when you are willing to turn a height preference into a dating requirement and thus willing to exclude 50% (not an actual statistic, just a guess) of potential suitors who may have all of the characteristics that really matter in a relationship, then you are indeed a heightist. If you are a heightist and claim that you are looking for a relationship and not a one-nighter or a fling then make no mistake, you are in fact rather shallow. And if your first reaction to that statement is to point out all of the shallow things men have in their profiles rather than to assess your own priorities, then you are only making the point that men are shallow too, not that you are not.

When stating this preference in their profiles, women usually say something like "I like taller men" or "I'm looking for someone who is funny, active, fit, tall, has a decent job..." or "let's be honest, looks are important and I prefer to date taller men." Some actually go so far as to list a specific height range and I have read enough profiles (thousands literally) that I have been able to conclude that the perfect height for a man is somewhere close to 6' - 1". But here is the real kicker. Some will actually go one step farther by stating the reason why they are a heightist and to my recollection it is the only reason I have seen given in a profile. What is this reason? Why it's because she likes to wear heels! Let me repeat that. The reason women give that they want to date taller men is that they like to wear heels!

It's bad enough that this is actually their reason. After all, if it were one of those physical things that just turns a woman on, such as nice abs or something, then it would make more sense. What is worse is when they tell us it's their reason. When a woman states this reason in her profile, it's as if she is expecting me to now understand her dilemma. It's as if she is trying to make so very clear to me what I just couldn't grasp before. She is telling me that it's not me, it's her. She is the one with the heel preferance.  I am supposed to now see why she cannot go out with me and potentially have a life-long fulfilling relationship.  It's because she likes to wear heels! It makes so much sense. What a revelation! What an epiphany. Thank you so much for helping me to understand your predicament of finding not just a great guy, but also, a great tall guy.

Now, think about this reason for a minute. Where do women wear heels? Around the house? At the gym? Running daily errands? Do women wear them while engaging in their favorite leisurely activities with that special someone such as taking long walks or cuddling up by the fire or curling up on the couch to watch a movie? No. Women wear heels either to work or to a social activity. Now, I'm not planning on going to work with her so I don't really see the problem there. That must mean that the problem occurs when going out to a social function, specifically, one that we go to together as a couple where she will be seen with me in public. What she is really implying is that she has some misguided concept of what a good looking couple is and that by me being shorter than her when she is seen with me in public we would not live up to that concept. In other words, how she appears to others in the context of her being part of a couple, is more important than how viable we actually are in the context of being a couple. Ladies, I'm afraid it doesn't get any shallower than that.

So imagine the type of responses I would get if my profile said something like "I prefer women with larger breasts" or "I'm looking for someone who is funny, active, fit, has nice breasts, has a decent job..." or "let's be honest, looks are important and I prefer to date busty women." What wrath would I incur if my profile went so far as to be very specific. For example, "I am looking for a fun, attractive woman with a c-cup." Now in all fairness, I don't read men's profiles much so maybe they actually do this. If they do, then shame on them too. So, my suggestion is to first be honest with yourself and see if height is really that important to you. After all, if a quality man is what you are looking for, then you are greatly narrowing your prospects. Second, If you can't get over your height issue or, for that matter, an issue with any physical attribute that a man has no control over, that's fine but for the sake of humanity don't put it in your profile!